This year I promised myself that I would put myself first and so far, it’s been a battle to do so but I am determined to do it. I have always put everyones needs before my own since the day I become a mother. It wasn’t about me anymore right? I put her needs above my own and especially after her father and I broke up and he abandoned her. I had to be both mom and dad so I just pushed back even further.
About a year before I met my husband, I began putting myself first just a smidge. I went to Alta and bought makeup because it made me happy, I went to Starbucks for coffee more than I drank it at home, I shopped for myself for clothes, I would go out to dinner with friends. Small things but made a difference in my life and my outlook on life. I was a young single mom and needed to find myself outside of motherhood. Fast forward to when I met my husband and we got pregnant and married, I lost myself in motherhood again. I was juggling being a mother of two and now a wife. I was working 12+ hour days and just completely drained at the end of the day. I never did pull myself out of the rut and I then got pregnant with Gracelyn and it got even worse. To speed up the story, I basically have put myself in a place worst than last. I hardly ever buy myself something and if I do then I feel immensely guilty. $20 for me? No way. $20 for the kids? Why not! This is what its come to as I write you this.
However, I have decided to put myself first now. I got up the other day, got dressed, brushed my hair and went to go get my nails done and then go Rae Dunn hunting. There’s nothing a good Dunn run can’t fix! It felt so nice to just do something that makes me happy. I love my kids and I love being a mom but I’m also a person and I need that time to recoup and fill my cup up again. I have to do that so that I can then walk back through our homes doors and fill their cups up. You can’t pour from an empty cup mama!
So this year, I will go to the store alone more. I will spend time investing in myself. I will buy myself something and not cry or immediately say that I have to buy the kids something. I will take the time to establish a hair care routine, skin care routine, and also self-tan. I will put Gracelyn and Giovanni into daycare for two days a week and not feel guilty because I am supposed to be home with them 24/7. Its time to fill that cup! I have to do it for myself, my kids, and my marriage.